I can see that i am answering even the first basic questions of my project description. I thought i had gone further and forgotten my initial questions and suddenly i realize they are both ? all? there and and i am dealing with them in the best possible way! This is starting to build up quite nicely. I am doing research! Or development work at least…

I feel out of touch. Kroppen er hudløs. Rå. Gråten sitter i halsen og hodet er fullt av bomull. Jack vet hvilke knapper han skal trykke på. Knapper om designpriser, magasinoppslag, karrierebygging, arbeidsmengde, networking, selvsalg. ”i just want what’s best for you!”

Sier jeg ikke er en designer. At design alltid har kommet sent, and hard. Med hvilken rett utaler han seg om min design prossess? Dette er min prossess. Kanskje kommer tegningene sent. Kanskje tar det lang tid. Jeg vet jeg er treg. At jeg har et annet tempo. Men så er jeg også mer reflektert, og stiller mange spørsmål.

På fredag etterlyste han plutselig at jeg skulle gå på besøk til designere og se hvordan de jobber. Intervjue dem. Som jeg jo hadde planer om i mars. Som de, veilederne, skrinla slik at jeg skulle konsentrere meg om designjobben Havlandet.

Hvilke egenskaper er viktig for meg? Å være inkluderende, søkende, humoristisk, avslappet, funderende, spørrende, nytenkende, profesionell på den bakgrunnen…
Ikke: moderne, populær, fancy, slick,

Det mest irriterende er at Jack’s plaging nå gjør at jeg er i ferd med å gå inn i prossessen med fandeninvoldsk energi. Jeg får tenkt igjennom hva som faktisk er viktig for meg og jeg sier ihvertfall ikke sånn og sånn. Jeg skal faen meg vise deg! Veldig irriterende at det skal være så fruktbart! Og at rådene hans faktisk fører oss videre! VELDIG irriterende!

Met Heidi today for a coffee. Excellent idea! I really need that kind of political exchange. We talked about the lack of political awareness in Norway (which is understandable since people just want to be happy… ) the absurdity of the expression north-south and up and down in the world. About how maps are weird and borders between countries a stupid and quite old fashioned invention.

The talk reminded me that I need to keep my political and slightly crocked view on the world. I must try to get that into all my projects. And I need to get in touch with Lwandle.

When in conferences the talker acknowledges another scholar in the audience, or even one not present, he not only acknowledges the greatness of the other, but at the same time he raises his own status, firstly by his own connection to the other, secondly by putting himself in a position where he is fit to judge on the others merits. Sweet.

Finally a row of breakthroughs. Many thoughts mixed up, try to keep head straight. And I know I should write here more often. Cant decide who I would like to have as my supervisors. Have been seeing Jack a couple of times. One Sunday where he gave me a friendly lecture at Café Nero, and one Thursday morning straight after that. I e-mailed him my project description on Tuesday and sms’d him yesterday and called him today. No response on either. Don’t know what to believe. At the Thursday meeting I asked him to write a recommendation for Havlandet, and he said he had to cover his back. He didn’t know enough about it yet. I asked him what he need to know. Cant remember if he answered it properly. That means that there is still no solution to the formal matter of wether I can do Havlandet or not. I have been really stressed, and that must be one of the reasons. Last night, lying in bed I got into such a state, and decided if they give me more BS about this and don’t respect and trust my choice of taking on Havlandet, I will quit the fellowship programme. Grete is right when she says research should be fun. I don’t have much fun with it at the moment. I must try to get Jack on the line sometime this week.

One former museum director said to me recently, rather smugly, ‘However, people actually like our old exhibitions.’ ‘What do you base that?’ on I asked, ‘Visitor studies? And even if your present visitors do like the old exhibitions, what about getting new people in?’

The strangest feeling last night . i was socially completely incompatible with the crowd. Fighiting to keep my attention focused and to keep my smile from becoming a frozen contortion on my face. When i raised my voice, being mildly amusing, no-one heard the whisper. I was invisible.


DC is a project where i at the moment do not have a clue as to what i am trying to find out. Am i looking at the prosess of designing a cultural hist exhibition? Is it enough to try to work out how to do it well? A critique of the methods used in the museums normally? Designers are not seen as collegues, but as servants (jmfr Pickup). Am i trying to find out what is excellence in museum exhibitions? Am i trying to single out what is design? can that be done? Describe describe describe exhibitions. I do have a good grasp of language, maybe this is my forze? Am i working on one aspect of the exhibition, like how to put “people” in? personification of the histories.

Things are picking up. I have been invited to address post-grad students in Hull. I have an interview with the principal designer at British Museum on Monday. And as a last cap this Friday afternoon David Durling at Staffordshire University has invited me to present my project at a PhD seminar on February 7th in Staffordshire. (I feel as if I am a debutant being asked to one ball after the other!)

There are so many things evolving around me, I feel that I am only starting to make sense of it. Its more like it is all a thick warm fog sweeping around me, it makes me sleepy. It’s pretty, and sometimes I can make out forms through the mist, then I loose sight of them again and just go on in any direction. No. I don’t just go in any direction. I know the general direction i am heading; upwards, slightly to the left, through some thick heather. But the fog doesn’t allow me to make things out clearly.

Nå står jeg skikkelig fast. Jeg har to utstillinger jeg vil gjøre, Havlandet og Lwandle. Jeg vil se utstillinger forskjellige steder. Jeg vil finne ut om det er en måte å dømme god og dårlig design. hva skal til for å gi kriteriene for god design? kanskje jeg skal basere meg på det arbeidet de har gjort i AAM? Leser igjennom det idag. Også skrive prosjektbeskrivelse. Samtidig ha med noe om hvordan en jobber med to forskjellige utstillinger om egen og andres kultur og noe om hvordan jeg skal se på prossessen i de to forskjellige prosjektene.